Woah 2019…what a year. I feel like this had been one of the hardest but most transformative years of my life. I feel like I thought that last year as I was really adjusting to New York but I think that this was really the bulk of my time in the city. I learned a ton about myself and others.
Reflections
So much has changed in only a year. I think back to last year and I was at such a different place in my life. I also just want to say that it’s so beautiful to see everyone highlights of 2019 but please know that all these ups come with downs that many don’t share.
Top 4
My first NYC apartment!!! Ah my TINY East Village apartment. Even though I ended up moving out of this apartment this year it was a top moment for me not because I left to move in with Joe but because it was proof. It was my space. It was small but it was mine. It was proof that I could do this. I could stand on my own two feet and make it happen.
I moved in with Joe. As the second year approached and we spent more time together, than at our own apartments, he asked me about it. I’ve learned a lot about love but the best thing is through the craziness of your life or work day nothing beats coming home to your best friend after a long work day.
Moving on. A lot of moving lol. But hey, this year was tough. I really let go of people who no longer made me feel good or made me the best version of myself. I think that as we grow up we think that we must hold onto everyone so tightly, like valuable trinkets we collect. But it’s okay to leave some people in certain chapters of your life. Look at them as lessons, wish the best for them, and find yourself more in the lessons you learned from them.
Columbia. I secretly applied to Teacher’s College at Columbia University. Part of me knew I was going to get in. I knew I had what I needed to stand out. I pictured opening the email and jumping around. But a small sliver of doubt would creep in and I pictured myself opening the email, sulking and never telling anyone I was denied so long as I live. But, I got in. I got in all on my own. My own writing, my own grades, my own connections and recommendation letters. I got in by myself. Just like my apartment, this was mine and proof that I was capable. So whatever you did this year whether it was a small apartment, an acceptance, a job offer, no matter how big or small if it was all yours that’s what really makes all the difference.
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
- I tried Rumble boxing for the first time and felt powerful to move and workout for the first time in a long time
- I got really close with Joe’s younger sister Cakes
- I saw Wicked (and weirdly cried???) and Sebastian Maniscalco – my favorite comedian
- I got my first brand deal as a blogger
- I signed up for a gym and went maybe 4 times
- I had a lot of coffee
- I made new friends!!
- I moved out of my first apartment in NYC
- I moved in with Joe
- I secretly cried a ton on move in day because I felt like a new chapter was beginning for us but I felt sad to leave a part of myself behind in the East Village. I thought about Karina and siting on the toilet talking while she showered. Or having girl stuff all over the bathroom. I was ready but I remember feeling a wave of sadness when I closed the door
- I turned 23
- I saw my favorite artist Lauv
- I left group chats that I no longer felt connected to
- I watched all of the Harry Potter movies in a row!!
- I started grad school!!!! (and felt the pressure of the world on my shoulders – I had a really hard time juggling the demanding work and shut out my social life in order to stay on top of my work)
- My mom, dad, brother, sister, cousin Bailey and some best friends all came to visit this year
- I cried on my bathroom floor because I felt like the picture in my head about my life wasn’t coming together in the way I wanted. I felt confused and lost
- I made an effort to host more because I had the space 🙂
- I tried to fight for people and relationships but learned that it’s best to let go of people who didn’t want the best for me or value me
- I taught kids how to read :’)
- I went to California with my mom
- I went to South Carolina for my sister’s graduation weekend
- I tried to not have as much dairy (organic oat milk liiiiife)
- I applied to Columbia and got in
- I spent a summer exploring new york, having down time and working on the tech part of my blog
- I had a Gatsby themed 23rd birthday party
- I swam in the ocean, listened to the early birds while napping on the hammock
- I started and finished sex and the city…opps…
- I prayed a lot this year, more than normal and I felt like God talked to me for the first time in my life
Resolutions
- Read more
- Wake up earlier
- Go to bed earlier….no more mindless scrolling. I’m such a night owl!!
- Write more
- Be a better listener
- Decide what I want and go for it. Stop trying to be a people pleaser.
- Drink more water….as always
- Don’t just vent all the time try to talk about all the positives and good parts of my day
- Take care of my body – not to look good but to feel good
- Cook at home more
- Keep in touch – call more, write more, connect more with people who are far from me.
- Say yes to more – Sometimes I feel like I would rather lay low or do the thing that makes more sense instead of being spontaneous.
- Say no – I think that saying no is just as important as saying yes. I need to be better about saying no to things that aren’t my speed or say no to things I can’t take onto my plate at that time. I guess my resolution is to find balance between yes and no.
- Put myself out there – I think this goes along with saying yes, sometimes I get so in my head about what other people will think about me
- Balance grad school, work, my social life, love life and me time better…
- Aka ^^ stop procrastinating!!!
- Be more patient and calm
- Meditate more (I use the app headspace almost every night to fall asleep)
Also know that even though part of this list seems vulnerable there is a ton of stuff that brought me pain this year that wasn’t added! Please know that a highlight reel isn’t real. Anyways!! I wish you all a wonderful, happy and blessed new year in 2020!! Cheers to leaving behind the old and bringing in the new!!
Always,
Madison
