“So how is New York City?!” “It looks amazing!” “You look like you’re having the best time!”
I’ve written this post over and over again and I always seem to struggle to find the right words but I guess that’s the message behind this entire post, that nothing is perfect. What I really want to say, is that transitions and new beginnings are really…really hard. Am I deeply unhappy? No & I can finally say that I am starting to love New York City.
Did I cry a lot during this big transition?
But rewinding it back, I was really devastated to pack up my apartment in Boston and let go of everything that felt like home. I jumped two feet into the deep end with my move to New York City and instantly felt swallowed. The thing about these times in our lives as young adults is that no one says it. No one says that they feel scared. No one says that they are having a tough time. Maybe we open up and break down to a family member, a close friend or significant other. But to the world we look like we are living this picture perfect life and to us, everyone else looks like they have the same thing going for them. Picture perfect. We share all of our ups, romantic dinner dates, our success, our nights out, our vacations, happy moments with friends…all our highlights.
I bumped into a friend from high school (who also moved to NYC) at our local bar over thanksgiving break. She asked me how I was doing and how I was liking New York. For the first time, I admitted, “It’s really hard.” And as I waited for her to say “Really?! I LOVE it! I’m living my BEST life!” to my shock, she agreed with me. I think one of the hardest inner struggles is the isolated and confused feeling. You think, “Everyone seems so happy and put together but me? Everyone is obsessed with this place, everyone loves it here! Why don’t I feel that way? What am I doing wrong?”
Change to me kind of felt like this image. You crash through this wall, into the unknown deep sea, far away from your routine pool laps. You propel into a vast and unknown space that suddenly feels like shark territory, only this time…you’re the guppy.
The thing with New York City is that you are constantly surrounded by the buzz of the people and when you pause and don’t feel connected or even know your way around like you used to….you feel deeply alone.
It’s a strange feeling to feel alone when you are surrounded by so many people.
Especially New York City, you see it as this dreamy place on TV or online – Friends, Sex and the City, Gossip Girl, endless fun and opportunity, rooftop bars with skyline views you couldn’t even dream up, a one whistle cab ride, crazy nightlife turning into sunrise. Believe me, it still IS that. It is dreamy in more ways than one, don’t get me wrong; but it’s really hard. It’s really hard to start new in such a big city. It’s really hard to feel comfortable in a time of great change. This isn’t a dig at good ol’ NYC, this is keeping it real about big changes in even big places. I can finally say I’m loving it here but it took close to a year to even feel that way. I didn’t want to go home to my small hometown but in the beginning of this change, I didn’t want the buzz of the city either….which made me feel so lost and confused as to where I fit. I had shared a quote a while back from the book Girl Boss that said “you belong wherever you want to belong.” Holding onto that has been a great reminder.
Friendships
What no one tells you about your friendships….All of our lives we have had the molds in place to form friendships. We take the same bus to elementary school, play the same sport, take the same classes, live in the same neighborhood, share some sort of greek life, or work our 9-5 job together. What I’ve found during this transition is that losing those comfortable molds to make friends feels shattering. But what I’ve found with making new friends is that sometimes you need to just make the first move to hang out. Not just “Yes that sounds great we should do that!” It works best to set a time and date so that the plan actually ends up happening. I’ve also come to terms with the fact that not everyone has the same heart as you, not everyone is going to like you and not everyone will want to be your friend. The people who are meant for you will find you and they will stay!! 🙂
Comfort Zones
I guess I want to share is that pushing your comfort zone or change isn’t always this glamorous and easy thing that it is often portrayed as. Pushing your comfort zone is meant to scare every ounce of courage right out of you. Old doors will never open new ways for you.
So what do I think of New York City? The truth? I feel more at home. I know the trains and that they go by letter and not color like Boston (lol). I can point people in the right direction. I know my neighborhood well. The barista at my favorite coffee shop knows my order. The feeling of something finally being a place of familiarity and home is relieving. I feel the magic of the city every single day. I found these comics that kind of sum up the feeling.
I’ve learned so much about myself by living here. When I leave the city for a weekend back home or a vacation away – I miss it. I miss the vibe, the people (subway creatures excluded), the never ending list of places to go, and the ability to walk a block to buy shampoo. But it was really hard and scary to find a sense of belonging in a new space.
To You
My most important point is to you. Whether you are moving back home, moving to a new city, starting a new relationship, trying a new job or leaving something that was comfortable – a person or a place…whatever it is, know that you are not alone. No one is ever alone in having hard moments of change. Also know that in the face of difficult change you will come out better and stronger than you were before. My advice is to jump in, with two feet right into the deep end. Because if you decide this change isn’t for you, at least you tried and can always find the diving board again. It’s better to have tried something than not at all. So this is to you. To the people willing to break a mold, leave a comfort zone and start something that will change you – you can do this and you are not alone in the low moments of life because after all…
Always,
Madison
